…of fear and (self) loathing (in Perth)

This is beginning to feel like the long
winded blues of the never,
Static explosion devoted to crushing the broken
and shoving their souls to ghost.

TV on the Radio

By now, I’m sure you’ve started to notice I’m not very good at this ‘regular updating’ thing. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, per se, it’s just that, I doubt that what I do have to say is all that interesting to anyone but myself. That, and most of it seems to come across as self indulgent whining.

I’ve never been of the opinion that my opinions are all that important. That’s not to say I don’t have opinions. I do, and when I do, I speak them and they usually come out the same way that anyone else’s strong opinions do. Would I consider myself opinionated? When it comes to certain topics, yes I very much am. I am a self-labelled film, TV and music snob. The success of a lowest-common-denominator film such as Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigalo or more recently, Paul Blart: Mall Cop fills me with an unfathonable combination of hatred and dread. Having said that, I try – where I can – to be mindful of stepping on other people’s tastes. Because just as I can’t stand Rob Scheider, I can’t count the amount of times I’ve laughed my arse off to Anchorman or Step Brothers – two films some may consider as equally purile.

So, in that way things tend to, things in the world work themselves out. I like my stupid shit, you like yours, and lets leave it at that, ok?

For a (very) short time, I made a pretty half arsed attempt at writing live music reviews for fasterlouder.com.au. You can see them here if you really like. My original goal was to write at least one review a month for the year. If you clicked on the link, you’ll see I came up pretty short. If you didn’t, well, believe me when I say I did.

It’s something I’ve considered going back to recently, the review writing. Partly, because I’ve started reading the reviews posted by others on the site again, and I’ve been finding them somewhat … lacking, is the polite word. And also, partly because I think it might (finally) force me to get out of the house and do something a little more social with my weekends. Apart from a weekly driving lesson and an occaisional trip to the shops, my lack of contact with the outside world is becoming a concern of mine.

Good as my intentions may be though, something tells me I’m a while away from getting back on both the social and writing horses. The social seems rather hard of late, and have neither the inclination or motivation for the other. You’ll notice a lack of update regarding my Big Day Out adventure, for instance.

Again, it’s not for the lack of opinion, or even words to say on the topic. Rather, the confidence and conviction behind those words and opinions. My thoughts on the how the day played out have already been spoken by many others, and while I could probably find some words, they wouldn’t add anything of worth to what’s already out there.

Problematic thoughts for one wanting to find a voice. Disconcerting. Discouraging. Disheartening. Disappointing.

I could go on, but I won’t.


Author: Mark Ampersand

Budding writer, connoisseur of fine popular culture and Batman fan.

2 thoughts on “…of fear and (self) loathing (in Perth)”

  1. Hail Mr Ampersand, you will know me by another trivial monicker. Good to read something of yours at length, sir. I too am a writer/blogger and although I agree that one’s opinion is one’s opinion – I still believe that those of us who can write, are better when we ‘do’ write.

    It’s not the opinion per se that counts sometimes, it’s an observation or a little piece of the truth that you see, that I might not see, until I hear your take on something.

    You’re too bright for ‘opinion as pose’ and I doubt if you’ve done that for many years. Last night, I ended up in a ‘conversation’ with a pretty well-known Perth film critic. He spoke on and on about his own opinions and didn’t let me or anyone else in the conversation get a word in edgewise. He is paid for this kind of BS.

    I would gladly read what you have to say, or better still have one of our infrequent conversations in person. You’ve got something to say, Mr & – and I hope you keep doing it!

    1. Thank you Sir Von Disco. This means a lot, especially coming from yourself. The writing thing is a horse I’ve fallen off of and climbed back on a number of times. And I’m not really sure where I’m headed with it right now, it’s more just a case of starting and seeing where it will go.

      And yes, you’re right. A real life, in person conversation should happen soon!

      Be well


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