…of false starts and frustrations, pt. 2.

I think it’s safe to say we’ve held true on the the false starts. Please believe me when I say that the frustrations are here along for the ride also.

We are beginning to find ourselves being dragged down by this daily grind. This is not a special thought – nor is it an original one. It is a notion shared by enough of us for it to be something of a common experience. Something we might call an “accepted inkling”. A “familiar impression”, if you will. We do these things, and involve ourselves in a certain pattern of life in order to feel safe. It is perhaps brought upon us by habit. Or maybe even a want to feel involved and a part of something. What drives it I do not know. What I do know, is that its killing us.

I’ve felt the creative bite (or perhaps that should be gnaw) at me several times recently. There is a thought that lives in the very back of my mind that suggests that, if I am to do anything with this word thing that I occasionally find myself falling back to, I should probably get some kind of professional help. And perhaps it should be soon if I am to make the most of this inspiration-without-energy.

We’re a few short days off November. Not long ago I considered out aloud that perhaps I’d give NaNoWriMo another shot, which is something akin to an aged runner coming out of retirement a week before the City to Surf, thinking “Yeah, that could be fun.” Actually, no. It’s more like someone who once considered maybe going for a jog to the shops but never actually got around to peeling himself off the couch, deciding one day as he wheezes his way towards a bus that’ll probably leave without him anyway, maybe tomorrow he’ll get up before work and try going for a 40 kilometre run.

I don’t run so I’m not entirely sure the analogy works. I bought a pair of sneakers once, with the intention of using them on a treadmill. Which I did. Twice. They’re still in rather good condition, if anyone is interested in buying them? [1]

For sale: Running shoes, barely used.

I am unfit – physically and creatively [2]. While my intentions for NaNo were good, they were also probably a little ambitious. See also, very. I still intend to give something a shot, but I know it’s not going to be anywhere near 50,000 words. At this stage, if I can come up with a nice, 1 page letter to my Nana by the end of the month, I’d be pretty happy.

What was once a short time but now seems to be an age ago, I twatted:

I have 2 heroes in life. One is Batman, the other just shook my hand and told me to stay out of allys. #lamefanboy

It was in reference to one of many events I really wish I’d capitilised on at the time. One of those experiences that I should’ve turned into something more. That grabs you and screams in your face “You should be doing more!” Now it sits as a happy memory, living somewhere between laziness and apathy. Between exhaustion and indifference.

Between false starts and frustrations.

[1] They’re not really for sale. I’m hoping to get at least one or two more uses out of them. Maybe. Besides, they look really good sitting next to my unused WiiFit.

[2] I originally wrote ‘mentally’ instead of creatively, but that’s another matter entirely.


Author: Mark Ampersand

Budding writer, connoisseur of fine popular culture and Batman fan.

6 thoughts on “…of false starts and frustrations, pt. 2.”

  1. Well, the good thing about running – and writing – is no one is going to kill you for dropping out the race. True they might point and laugh at your wheezing exhaustion, but that’s all part of the fun right? What doesn’t kill… bla bla bla.

    Good luck if you go ahead with NaNoWriMo. I’m not planning to take part because I have a feeling it would actually generate more frustration than I can handle 🙂

    1. Thank you miss! For some reason, your comment immediately made me think of the short Stephen King (as Richard Bachman) story, “The Long Walk”, where they do kinda kill you for dropping out of the race. Which, now that I delve a little deeper, my instant connection between the suggestion of running and this story goes a long way to explain why I have such a dramatic reaction to exercise! It explains so much!

      Thanks for your comment. 🙂

    1. A play? That does sound exciting! How does one go about writing a play? Is it for anything in particular?

      Will be very curious to hear how you progress sir.

  2. After being an annoying twat to you for months about this, I can’t believe I missed this.
    Please accept my humblest apologies good sir for neglecting your fine writings for this long.

    I am sitting, typing this up, knowing that by the time I’ve finished there won’t be enough time to get on that balance board. Leaving me with the choice of either not ‘exercising’ or running late for work.

    We all suffer from that ennui from time to time, generally in between bouts of manic, ill-advised activity. There are no easy ways around it, just recognising it when it strikes and attempting to work through it to someplace where we can live with ourselves.

    Well fuck me if that wasn’t awfully emo and introspective.
    Get off your arse and do something sir! I shall track you down and expect to see 25000 words already written or you may expect a sharply worded letter to the editor.

    Good luck with NaNoWrMo or anything you may happen to pen.

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