Not going to lie kids, this has been a hard one for me. Probably less to do with the topic of this week’s #52blogs, and more to do with my mindset. Much like most January projects I start, I seem to have hit a roadblock. Or at least a rocky piece of road.
I like my job. It’s a good job and I’ve got very little to complain out. When it comes around to Monday morning, I don’t dread walking into the office. I have a good team of people around me, and it can be incredibly rewarding at times. I enjoy the process of teaching, and I like to think that I’m pretty good imparting knowledge – or at least sharing my own experiences in order to help others.
I’m still not sure if I’d call it a skill, but it’s something I can do with minimal effort. Being able to present a topic with minimal notes and cues, answering questions on the fly as I go, trying to maintain interest with twelve to sixteen participants – I know for a lot of people, this sounds like a particularly special brand of hell. For me, it’s just what I do.
It’s a good job, but it’s also at times incredibly draining. I’ve found myself relying on auto-pilot more often than not of late. I’ll come into work, step up front, chose a topic, and an hour and a half to two hours later it’s time for a break. For that time, I’m pretty much not there. I start talking, and a moment later I look at the clock and it’s over. I have an idea of what I’ve said, mostly because I’ve said it many times before. I know most of the questions I’ll be asked before they’re asked, and I can usually tell in a room of people who’s paying attention and who’s been wasting time on Facebook. And while all of this has become routine, at the end of the day I’m feeling drained of any energy. It’s as if everything I have gets left in that room. And the longer it goes on, the harder it is for me to wind down and relax.
The more I think about it, the more I realise that this doesn’t really make me special. The collective experience seems to be that our jobs – the things that we do because they need doing – we do them because we are good at them, but they can take a lot out of us. And that balancing what happens in that room during the day with what needs to be done once it’s over, that is something that takes skill.