… on Reflection, This Might’ve Been a Bad Idea.

The challenge was always going to be a challenge. I guess this is why they call it a challenge and not an ‘easy to do thing’, or whatever a nicer sounding word for ‘easy to do thing’ is. In any case, at the half way-ish mark where we are meant to be reflecting on the progress we’ve made, I find myself flicking through yet another list of false starts and frustrations.

Yes, I also see what I did there.

The best laid plans turned into a nicely paved road to hell and all of a sudden at 26 weeks I’m sitting at a count of around 7 blogs. Maths has never been a strength, but if I’m right that works out to be around… fuck all. The dog ate my homework of it all is that of those 19 or so weeks I wasn’t contributing to the challenge, around four of them were spent cleaning homes and moving all of our worldly possessions [1] from just out of the city to almost right within its centre [2]. I could probably write a couple of weeks off to a busy work schedule, and maybe travel (at a stretch), but for the rest of them I will fall back to the usual ‘lack of motivation and/or energy’ we love so much.

Another blog about wanting to blog more. #Cliche.

So where to from here? I am smart enough to know that I need to be challenged. A failed blog challenge wouldn’t be so bad if I had something to show for it outside of this bubble but the truth is, apart from a handful of Playstation trophies [3] and a pretty good collection of fruit in my Animal Crossing town [4] I’ve got nothing. Even my day job has suffered. While what I’m doing right now requires little effort, I’m contributing about half of that required effort. Pretty soon I’m sure it’ll all come tumbling down around me, and the fact that doesn’t scare me more scares me a lot.

I have a pretty strong feeling some or most of all of this is drug related – it stands to reason that a thing designed to make me worry less would make me worry so less that I just end up not caring at all – but on the flip-side not worrying so much has also been nice. It’s all about balance, and right now the preference to not worry seems to outweigh everything else. I fear [5] that everything is so precariously placed, that even just a slight shift of weigh in any direction will set it all off; like the trigger happy scale of a Coles self serve check-out, crying for an attendant over an unexpected item when all you did was move your bread to cushion your eggs.

[1] Those being piles of impulse purchased blurays, DVDs, CDs, unread books and unplayed video games.

[2] And also could’ve been a really good Week 12 update. For the record, I’m crossing that one off the list as completed now.

[3] Guys, Sleeping Dogs is so good. If you like GTA style games or Hong Kong action movies, you need to play this game. Seriously, so much fun.

[4] Which is called Catsvile! I have most of the fruit now, and my Dream Suite is almost paid off!! If you’re playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf and you want to visit, my friend code is 0860-3355-8390. Comment yours below!

[5] Hey, there’s week thirteen down too!


Author: Mark Ampersand

Budding writer, connoisseur of fine popular culture and Batman fan.

3 thoughts on “… on Reflection, This Might’ve Been a Bad Idea.”

  1. Yep. The last two years have found motivation incredibly lacking for me and it’s definitely the drugs. Sometimes, though, it’s worth it for being able to function and go to work and pay the bills like a normal human.

    1. This is the frustration. In all honesty, I’m starting to feel bad for collecting a pay cheque. I contribute so little when I’m in the office, and it just feels wrong. But I know without the drugs I’d probably have a really hard time getting out of bed every morning. Which is worse? I really don’t know.

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